For ages now, men have made women feel self-conscious, nay worthless, making them obsess over the size of their, er … various body parts. Whatever the dimensions of a body part, they weren’t right today, and — we men artfully made sure — never would be. Women acquired the fine art and the wisdom of dolling themselves up — even getting nips, tucks, and implants — to be able to please our blessed eyes. We stoked their deepest fears and anxieties. With one sharp, well-timed glance or comment, we turned them into a whimpering heap of self-hatred and turmoil. Ah, how wonderful, how pleasurable, this sublime sense of control. Surely this is what Nietzsche had meant by man’s will to power.

But, if history is any guide, golden ages do not last. Women may have just found the Achilles heel of men, one that hangs between their legs. Unless you live in a cave (or without email, increasingly congruent), you receive spam emails about penis enlargement — pills, pumps, patches, etc. Size does matter, they reveal, with stats on women’s preferences and smiling women proclaiming, well, large member benefits. The emails promise all sorts of gains — sex appeal, heightened libido, even saving marriages — all as easy as 1-2-3! “Be a Real Man” and “she will love you more than any other guy.” Related pills promise to boost the man’s fluid volume, to help him “shoot like a porn star” (move over gun slingers of the Old West) and to drown her with, umm … his fluid (of course she likes that feeling). For the New Age man there are organic, pesticide-free herbal alternatives, with a green label to boot. (That’s harmony with nature; Marcus Aurelius would surely have approved.)

Men are definitely buying this stuff, else why would there be so much selling? A lot of women are pleased with this development. Some are quietly rejoicing with this expose of men’s insecurities — a more level playing field at last! Just as women buy fashion magazines that feature unreal women, men consume porn that features unreal men. “This restoring of chi, or balance”, said a woman interviewed by Shunya’s Notes, “gives me a deep sense of catharsis.” Another woman, trying hard to conceal her elation, confided, “I secretly saw my husband browsing a website that sells those pills. Tears welled up in my eyes. I felt this moment of spiritual connection with his insecurity.”

Ironically, men’s hopes now lie in this “connection”, else it may well lead to a cold war between the sexes and an accompanying arms race.